


Twilight Abridged

by kierandell1409



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Abridged Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28198875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierandell1409/pseuds/kierandell1409
Summary: Well, if you know what I've been doing to Harry Potter, you know what this is going to be.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. So…Twilight Abridged. Yeah, this is happening. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to do this for almost as long as I’ve been doing Harry Potter Abridged (by the way, won’t be long until I start Order of the Phoenix. Hopefully before the end of the year, very early next year at the latest). Anyway, I have reasons for why I wanted to do this, and why it took so long to start it, but those will (hopefully) become obvious as I get further into the story (though if you’ve been paying attention, you might figure it out earlier). Let’s get into this shall we?

Bella: I’d never given much thought to how I would die. Why the hell would I? I’m seventeen years old. Dying is for, like, old people and shit. And if I am going to die, it should be in some really cool way. Like getting way too drunk at a party and choking on my own vomit, so people remember as a party animal. Either that or an overdose, that would result in the same thing. Ooh, or in a high-speed car crash. That sounds awesome. Just have the car go up in a fucking fireball, like BOOM! And people from miles around are like “what the fuck was that?” But no, I couldn’t have a cool death like that. I had to have a really lame death. Honestly, what’s wrong with dying to a steamroller driven by the Incredible Hulk high on cocaine and crystal meth while going through a…  
Edward: Bella?  
Bella: Yeah?  
Edward: This is an abridged series, and that speech is longer than the actual book’s preface.  
Bella: Oops…


	2. Initial Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella arrives in Forks, and sees some strange kids on her first day at school.

Bella: Let’s go back to how it all started, shall we? That would be when I decided to go move away from my mother in Phoenix, Arizona, to live with my father in Forks, Washington. Why did I choose to move from sunny Phoenix to rainy Forks? Well…

*three days ago*  
Renée: *muffled sex sounds* Yes…yes…YES…get the whipped cream…  
Bella: *lying in bed and trying to pretend she hadn’t just heard what she heard* …I have to get out of here.

*back in the present*  
Bella: So, rather than deal with…that, I’m going to live with my dad Charlie, who no-one would ever sleep with. He’s just that much of a loser that I’m pretty sure he’s still a virgin despite me being his biological daughter.

*at the airport*  
Renée: Now sweetie, if you ever feel like you want to come home, me and Phil will be right here to get you.  
Bella: Will you stop banging so God damn loud every night?  
Renée: Oh honey, you know that won’t happen. Mummy can only express her love for a man in decibels exceeding that of a jet engine.  
Bella: Well then, I guess it’s goodbye for a while then.  
Renée: Goodbye honey. Let me know if you find a man who will make you scream like a banshee chorus doing the Psycho shower theme.

*on the plane to Forks*  
Bella: How in the hell did my parents ever get together? Seriously, I have no idea how my dad managed to pump one out and still have the ability to hear. Speaking of which…

*landing on an airstrip outside Forks*  
Charlie: Hey kiddo, how’s it going?  
Bella: Dad, I’m seventeen. When are you going to stop calling me that?  
Charlie: When you’re no longer a kiddo. Duh.  
Bella: *quietly* Son of a bitch *out loud* So, we’re going back to town in the cruiser?  
Charlie: Yeah. Isn’t it cool? Work literally pays me to drive one of these. And I get to beat up people whenever I want, as long as I declare it to be police business. In fact, just last week I was kneeling on this guy George’s neck, and…  
Bella: DEAR GOD DAD, STOP! Are you trying to get this story banned?  
Charlie: …sorry.  
Bella: Well, I guess it would be cool to be driven school in a police cruiser. All the kids will be wondering what I did.  
Charlie: Yeah, about that…I bought you a car.  
Bella: God damn it, I wanted people to think I was badass. Is it at least a good car?  
Charlie: It’s a Chevy.  
Bella: A Chevy? Like an Impala? Cool, I’m a Winchester.  
Charlie: Well, yes, but actually, no. It’s more of a truck.  
Bella: You are just made for disappointment, aren’t you? Is it at least brand new?  
Charlie: …  
Bella: Oof, that’s a loud silence.  
Charlie: Look, my friend Billy’s disabled and wasn’t going to be using it anymore, so I took it off his hands.  
Bella: How much did you buy it for?  
Charlie: I never said I bought it. I just wanted the truck. Which may or may not be related to how he ended up in a wheelchair.  
Bella: I’m not sure you should be telling me about that.  
Charlie: Why? Who’s going to believe you? I’m chief of police, and more importantly, a white man. Therefore, everything I say is fact and must be believed.  
Bella: Well, that’s going to go down well.

*the next day, at the school office*  
Bella: Excuse me, I’m…  
Receptionist: New girl, right?  
Bella: How’d you know?  
Receptionist: Because the population of this town is so small that everyone knows each other. Seriously, there’s so few people around we’re just barely avoiding an incest outbreak. And since I’ve never seen you before, you must be the new girl and therefore not related to anyone in the immediate area.  
Bella: I’m Chief Swan’s daughter.  
Receptionist: Well, guess we’re back to potential inbreeding.  
Bella: Isn’t there a large Indian reservation nearby?  
Receptionist: Okay, first of all, they’re Native Americans you racist bitch. Second of all, who’d want to marry some lowlife Indian?  
Bella: …can I have my class schedule now?  
Receptionist: Will it get you out of my office?  
Bella: Well, it’s all I came in here to get, so…  
Receptionist: Then take it and get the hell out. Jeez, why are there always kids at this place?  
Bella: …right.

*later, in the cafeteria*  
Kid: Hey, the new girl. Bella, right?  
Bella: Yeah?  
Kid: Hey, I’m Eric. Do you wanna be friends?  
Bella: Do I get anything out of it?  
Eric: …I mean, not really, but…  
Bella: Then I don’t give a shit.  
Eric: Listen, I can make sure you don’t end up hanging out with the wrong crowd in this school.  
Bella: What wrong crowd?  
Eric: Well, over there’s the Asian nerds, there’s the cool Asians, the varsity jocks…  
Bella: Just gonna straight up rip off that movie, are you?  
Eric: Here, I’ll introduce you to some of the people you should care about.  
Bella: I doubt I will, but whatever.  
Eric: This is Jessica, Mike, Angela, and…the others.  
Bella: You don’t their names?  
Katie: Most of us aren’t even in the movies, so who cares?  
Mike: So, Bella, how do you like living in Forks? Better than Phoenix?  
Bella: Eh, as long as I’m away from my mum and her boyfriend’s frequent banging, I don’t care where I am.  
Jessica: So, do you have a best friend yet?  
Bella: Quiet Cinderella. I don’t talk to people from knock-off Glee films *sees pasty white kids in the corner not eating* Who are they?

Jessica: Those are the Cullens. Totally hot, the lot of them, and most of them are totally banging each other.  
Bella: Wow, I thought the receptionist was kidding about the incest thing.  
Jessica: Only two of them are actually blood related. Dr. Cullen just adopted them all.  
Angela: I think they look creepy. Like they’re supposed to be dead or something. I don’t like it.  
Bella: Are all the jokes related to you guys going to be related to your actor’s other roles?  
Mike: Let’s face it, none of us get enough character development for anything else really.  
Bella: Fair enough. So, any particular reason why they’re all so pale?  
Jessica: Oh my God Bella, you can’t just ask why someone’s pale.  
Bella: We already referenced that movie in this chapter.  
Angela: Yeah, well, they’re from Alaska, so of course their skin is going to be white. No-one from that far north can have any colour to their skin.  
Bella: I think the Inuit would disagree with you.  
Angela: Silly Bella. Have you seen Katara and Sokka from The Last Airben…  
Bella: *slaps her* That movie doesn’t exist, do you hear me? That *slap* movie *slap* doesn’t *slap* exist *slap* *Angela falls to the floor, unconscious* Now, on to my next class.  
Jessica: There’s still a half an hour of lunch.  
Bella: Yeah, but nothing else that’s important to the plot’s going to happen here, so on to the next scene.

*Biology class*  
Bella: God damn it, I’m the last one here.  
Angela: *covered in bruises* If you hadn’t knocked me the fuck out, maybe I could have shown you where this room was.  
Bella: Oh well, guess I’ll just take that seat next to… *sees it’s next to Edward Cullen* Hey, what’s the worst that could happen? *sits down next to him* Hey, how are you going today? *sees Edward is looking angry and isn’t talking* Don’t wanna talk? I can handle that. Better than everyone who wants to talk to me because I’m the new girl.  
Edward: *thoughts* Resist the temptation to do that. It would be a little rude to do that to her on her first day.

*later, when class ended*  
Bella: *thoughts* *watching Edward leave at an unnatural speed* Is he angry at…me? Nah, I haven’t done anything…yet *sees finger marks in his chair that look very fresh* …that’s nothing to be concerned about.

*later, in the school office*  
Edward: Surely there’s something else I can do in that period.  
Receptionist: No, there’s not. And don’t call me Shirley.  
Edward: Oh, come on. Ple… *sees Bella has entered the building* Never mind *leaves in a hurry*  
Bella: What the hell was that about?  
Receptionist: Don’t know, don’t care. Now get out of my office. Jeez, why are there so many kids at this place?


	3. Clear Novel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward disappears for a week, then comes back. That's about it.

Bella: I wonder where he is.  
Mike: Who?  
Bella: Edward Cullen. He hasn’t been to school in a few days, even though his siblings are all here. I was going to try and figure out what his problem with me is.  
Mike: Eh, who cares? Anyway, a bunch of us were going to take a trip up to La Push, the Indian reservation. Wanna come?  
Bella: What are you gonna be doing there?  
Mike: Just going to the beach and hanging out, you know, generic teenage stuff.  
Bella: You’re going to the beach, in the middle of winter, in the rainiest place in the country?  
Mike: Silly Bella, it’s snowing right now, not raining.  
Bella: That makes it worse.  
Eric: Hey, come on Bella, what’s the worst that could happen when it’s cold and icy?  
Bella: I have a feeling we’ll find out next chapter.  
Mike: So, since you haven’t said no to the La Push trip, I assume you’re going.  
Bella: I never said…  
Mike: Great, I’ll let you know when we’re going *leaves*  
Bella: God damn it *to herself* But seriously, where the hell is Edward?

*meanwhile, in Denali*  
Edward: It’s so relaxing here. Maybe I should stay here and avoid potentially hurting that girl. It would mean not risking exposure to our kind.  
Tanya: Yeah, but it wouldn’t be as much fun.  
Edward: But I don’t want to…  
Irina: Go back Edward, I dare you.  
Kate: Yeah Edward, I double dare you.  
Tanya: You hear that? You’ve been double dared. You’re not going to pussy-out, are you?  
Edward: But guys, what if I…  
Irina: Guys, I thinking he’s pussying out.  
Kate: God Edward, how can you pussy out like that?  
Edward: But guys, I…  
Denali sisters: Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy…  
Edward: Alright, fine, I’m going back *gets up to leave*  
Kate: Wait, did we just unleash a possibly dangerous Edward on an unsuspecting girl?  
Tanya: Do you actually care?  
Kate: Not really, just want to be clear on what we did.

*back in Forks*  
Bella: Okay, what’s on the e-mail *sees five frantic -emails from her mother* What the hell? *reads the most recent one*  
Renée’s e-mail: Bella, are you okay? Bella, darling, speak to me. I need to know you made it to Forks okay. If you haven’t replied in five minutes, I’ll come up there and check on you. I just need to know if you’ve met anyone hot who can ‘fulfill your needs’, if you know what I mean. And if you don’t know what I mean, I’m referring to stuffing your clam with their… *Bella stops reading*  
Bella: *checks when all the messages were sent and sees it was while she was at school* God damn it *writing* Mum, for crying out loud, I was at school. I can’t reply during that time. Stop freaking out when I can’t reply immediately to your questions. And no, I haven’t met anyone yet. Please stop asking about that.

*later, during dinner*  
Charlie: So, how’s school?  
Bella: Do you actually care, or are you just making conversation?  
Charlie: Little of both. I’m just curious if there’s anyone who seems likely to shoot the place up. It has been so long since I’ve been allowed to shoot teenagers legally.  
Bella: What about illegally?  
Charlie: …just answer the question.  
Bella: No dad, no-one’s looking like taking up the offer to perpetuate America’s number one stereotype.  
Charlie: Damn it. I could have sworn it was our turn soon.  
Bella: Actually…  
Charlie: Did you think of someone?  
Bella: …maybe? *Charlie starts listening intently* Do you know the Cullens, by any chance?  
Charlie: Oh, you want to know about them? Absolutely perfect family with no troublemakers among them whatsoever. It makes doing my job so much harder.  
Bella: Wait, if they’re not troublemakers, shouldn’t it be easier?  
Charlie: No. I have a quota of people to harass, and they’re not giving me an excuse to do so. I hate them.  
Bella: *to herself* I should have seen that response coming. Why didn’t I?

*the next day, at school*  
Mike: So Bella, when are you available for that trip to La Push?  
Bella: I already told you I… *sees Edward is back at school* …don’t care about that, whatever your name is *quickly takes her seat*  
Jessica: Hey Bella, Edward’s staring at you.  
Bella: Oh really? And I’m supposed to care? *remembers what he was like last time* Actually, does he look angry?  
Jessica: No, he looks fine, laughing and having a good time with his family. He’s just sitting there, looking sexy and staring at you…  
Bella: You could stop staring yourself, you know.  
Jessica: Hmm…nah.  
Bella: …whatever, he’s clearly not interested in you, so who cares? Also, it’s time to get to my next class.  
Mike: You sat down ninety seconds ago.  
Bella: Yeah, but you’re here, so… *leaves*

*in Biology class*  
Mr. Banner: Okay class, I want you to identify the phases of mitosis for these onion root cells. Any questions?  
Bella: Yeah, uh, is this in any way relevant to the plot?  
Mr. Banner: No, but it is relevant to whether you pass this class or not, so get to it.

Edward: Hi, my name’s Edward Cullen. You’re Bella Swan, right?  
Bella: What the hell? You’re actually talking to me?  
Edward: Well, yeah. That’s typically what happens with lab partners, isn’t it?  
Bella: Yeah, the first time they sit together. You just sat there angrily last time.  
Edward: Did I?  
Bella: Yes, I saw you glaring. Then you disappeared for a week with no explanation. What the hell is with that?  
Edward: I’m sorry, but I feel like that’s my business and not yours. But enough about me, what about you?  
Bella: What? You told me nothing about you.  
Edward: Didn’t I? Oh, sorry. Anyway, what about you?  
Bella: You still didn’t…oh, whatever. I lived in Phoenix with my mother, but then she got a new boyfriend, and she likes to make sure people two states over know she’s getting laid, so that’s why I moved three states away.  
Edward: Huh…okay.  
Bella: And I mean literally, she throws her voice in such a way that everyone two states away from her can hear. You can actually hear her the second you cross to Oregon or Idaho, but not this side of the border. And in her last e-mail she threatened to up her game to three.  
Mr. Banner: I see talking, but I don’t see working.  
Bella: We already finished.  
Edward: Wait, when?  
Bella: Shh, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. Anyway, tell me why you were so angry last time, or I’ll…  
Edward: You’ll what?  
Bella: I’ll…think of a threat to make.  
Edward: An interesting proposal. Counter offer: *gets up and leaves, seemingly faster than should be possible*  
Bella: Did he just leave in the middle of class?  
Mr. Banner: Shut up and keep working, jeez.


	4. Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella is nearly killed by an out of control car, then someone saves her...
> 
> ...it's Edward. Don't pretend you didn't see that coming. In fact, if you're reading this and didn't know that, then you really shouldn't be reading this.

Bella: *waking up* Ah, what a beautiful… *sees it’s snowing outside* …God damn it. Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen? The locals probably know to take it easy on the roads, so I should be fine, right?

*at school*  
Bella: Like I said, nobody’s going to drive dangerously in this wea… *hears the sound of screeching tyres* Except for that guy *turns around and sees the car coming at her* Oh, come the fuck on, really? *suddenly gets thrown to the ground*  
Edward: *suddenly between her and the car* Hey, are you okay?  
Bella: Where the fuck did you come from?  
Edward: I was…err, next to you the whole time, remember?  
Bella: No, you weren’t, you were on the other side of the parking lot.  
Edward: Oh no, you must have bumped your head really hard when you hit the ground.  
Bella: No, I distinctly remember you being over there. Also, how are you lifting up the truck all by yourself?  
Edward: *suddenly noticing what he’s doing* Oh, uh… *drops it* You saw nothing.  
Bella: Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on?  
Edward: Poor Bella, so injured after the accident that she can’t remember what happened. SOMEBODY CALL A MEDIC!  
Bella: You better be prepared to explain yourself, or else…  
Edward: Aww, don’t worry, I’ll help you remember this terrible event, but first you need to go to the hospital.  
Bella: I’M NOT EVEN HURT!  
Edward: But you just said you didn’t remember me standing right next to you.  
Bella: I swear to God, I’m going to…  
Edward: *whispering in her ear* No-one will ever believe you.  
Bella: What?  
Edward: *hearing the ambulance sirens* Ah, there’s the ambulance.  
Bella: I don’t hear anything.  
Edward: I mean, ah…they will be here soon. Let’s get you where they can reach you *easily carries her out into the open*

Bella: You really suck, did you know that?  
Edward: You have no idea.  
Bella: Say what?  
Edward: Nothing.  
Medic 1: Alright, get her on the stretcher.  
Medic 2: Don’t worry young lady, your father has been called and is on his way right now. Everything is going to be fine.  
Bella: *sees the colour of the driver (Tyler) who nearly crushed her* Oh no…  
Charlie: *screeching to a halt, jumping out of the car, and punching Tyler* Bella, sweetie, who did this to you?  
Bella: …you may have just punched him.  
Charlie: I’m allowed to punch a black kid twice in one day? Best day ever.  
Bella: You’re just trying to get this fanfic banned, aren’t you?

*later, at the hospital*  
Tyler: *waking up* Whoa, what the hell happened?  
Bella: You hit the ice wrong and skidded out of control, and nearly hit me.  
Tyler: Really? Shit, Chief Swan is going to kill me.  
Bella: Well, he hasn’t yet, so you might be in the clear.  
Tyler: No, you don’t understand. He will kill me, if not for this then whatever the next thing I do is that he perceives as a crime.  
Bella: And if there are any cops reading this that find that offensive, do something to prove that comment wrong.  
Tyler: But seriously, how’d I miss you? I could have sworn you were going to be crushed, and then you weren’t there, like something really fast suddenly grabbed you out of the way at the last possible second and saved you.  
Bella: Oh, um, apparently Edward was there.  
Tyler: Oh, so I killed him instead?  
Edward: *entering the room* Hi guys.  
Tyler: God damn it, Chief’s gonna beat the absolute shit out of me and I didn’t even kill anyone this time.  
Bella: Say what?  
Tyler: You heard nothing.

Edward: So…how are you?  
Bella: I have no injuries whatsoever, but they won’t let me leave.  
Edward: Yeah, I asked them to do that.  
Bella: Why the hell would you do that?  
Edward: So that a doctor can tell you you’re concussed and not thinking straight *blond man walks into the room*  
Carlisle: Hello Ms Swan, how are you?  
Bella: Who the hell are you?  
Carlisle: Oh, I’m Edward’s father Carlisle. He’s told me to reaffirm the fact that you have a concussion.  
Bella: I DON’T HAVE A…oh, forget it. Can I go home yet?  
Carlisle: Is that what hospitals do with concussion patients?  
Bella: Uhh…sure, why not?  
Carlisle: Oh, well then, you’re free to go.  
Bella: …thanks? *sees Edward sneaking off* Hey, I’m not done with you.

Edward: What do you want from me?  
Bella: To tell me how you got across the parking lot to save me.  
Edward: You’re welcome *leaves*  
Bella: God damn it. How can this day get any worse?  
Charlie: *on the phone* Hey Bella, I told your mother you were in hospital, and now she’s freaking the hell out for some reason.  
Bella: Oh, that’s how.


	5. Solicitations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The there's a dance coming up, and Bella couldn't care less (though she's trying).

Mike: Bella? How you going?  
Bella: Fine, thanks.  
Jessica: Seriously? How can you walk away from such an incident and not be a little shaken? You could have died.  
Bella: Does no-one seem to feel like paying attention to the fact that Edward was the one who stopped me being crushed?  
Eric: Eh, we don’t talk to him. Plus, you’re here at the moment, and he’s, like, way over there.  
Bella: God damn it, someone bother him.  
Tyler: Nah. We wanna know how badly you were hurt.  
Bella: First of all, you can fuck off for nearly killing me. Second, I wasn’t even hurt, unless you count the headache my mother gave me by screaming about how she nearly lost her only daughter. And since that…  
Mike: Did you hear that? She got a headache from the accident.  
Jessica: Maybe it’s from a concussion?  
Eric: Don’t worry Bella, we’ll make sure everyone knows that’s what happened to you.  
Tyler: I’ll make it up to you someday, I promise.  
Bella: I fucking hate all of you.

*in Biology later*  
Bella: Hey Edward.  
Edward: Hmm *thoughts* This is a brilliant idea. If I act like a jerk towards her, she’ll leave me alone, and I won’t accidentally hurt her. Which is really mean and goes against my very nature, but that’s just something I’ll have to deal with.  
Bella: It looks like you’re having some deep thoughts there.  
Edward: *thoughts* Oh God, did she just figure out what I was thinking? Is she a mindreader too? Is she a vampire? That’s silly, I would know, wouldn’t I? Or would I? Oh God, I don’t know what to think anymore.  
Bella: Right…I’ll leave you to that.  
Edward: *thoughts* SHE KNOWS! Or does she? I hate not being able to read her mind. Why can’t I read her mind? AHHHHH!

*later that month*  
Jessica: Hey Bella, did you hear about the spring dance coming up?  
Bella: Better question: what makes you think I care?  
Jessica: But you get to ask whichever boy you want.  
Bella: I assume you were trying to convince me to go to it there.  
Jessica: Well, what could you possibly be doing that’s more important?  
Bella: Literally anything. In fact, I might go ahead and write “watching paint dry” into my schedule, followed by “watching grass grow”.  
Jessica: So, what you’re saying is, I can ask Mike to the dance?  
Bella: YES! God, you act like I’d care.

*later, in Biology*  
Mike: So Bella, have you heard about the dance coming up?  
Bella: I have.  
Mike: And have you thought about who you’re going with?  
Bella: I don’t know if I like where this line of questioning is going.  
Mike: Because I was thinking, you and me…  
Bella: Aren’t the girls supposed to ask the guys?  
Mike: Yeah, but I was keeping Jessica as a backup in case you said no.  
Bella: Is saying no the quickest way to end this conversation? Because I am more than happy to say no and end this conversation right now.  
Mike: …shall we say 7?  
Bella: Take Jessica, for God’s sake *Mike walks away sadly*  
Edward: That seemed a bit rude.  
Bella: You’re actually talking to me again?  
Edward: Sorry, it’s just that there’s this thing about me that it’s best you don’t know.  
Bella: Fine, don’t tell me about then. We can talk about literally anything else.  
Edward: Oh, if only you knew…  
Bella: Then tell me.  
Edward: I can’t.  
Bella: THEN DON’T HINT AT HAVING SOME BIG SECRET IF YOU WON’T TALK ABOUT IT!

*later, in the parking lot*  
Eric: Hey Bella.  
Bella: I swear to God, if you try and ask me to that freaking dance…  
Eric: So, about that dance coming up…  
Bella: Sorry, I’ll be busy not going to the dance that night.  
Eric: Aww, come on, can’t you do that another time?  
Bella: I could, but no.  
Eric: Aww, man *leaves*  
Edward: *thought* I just had an idea *stops his car in the middle of the exit to the student parking lot* Heh heh, sooner or later she’ll have to accept one of the human’s date requests. And here comes Tyler to ask her out.  
Tyler: Hey Bella, wanna go to the…  
Bella: You will fuck off before I tell my dad you were within three feet of me. And we both know how he’d react to that.  
Tyler: I was never here *leaves very quickly*  
Edward: *as his siblings got in the car* Or maybe that will happen.  
Alice: Stop trying to change your fate.  
Edward: Or else what? *sees what Alice is thinking* Oh…well, that was unnecessarily graphic. No-one wants to see that, especially anyone who might be reading this.

*that night*  
Charlie: So, are you going to the spring dance next week?  
Bella: No, I plan to be far, FAR away from that.  
Charlie: Aww, man. And I even planned out the speech I was going to give your date. It was going to be awesome, since I get to use my shotgun and…  
Bella: And you wonder why I’m choosing not to go.

*the next day*  
Edward: Hey Bella, I was…  
Bella: If you say one damn word about that fucking dance, I’m going to…  
Edward: I was going to offer you a lift to Seattle so you don’t have to go to the dance, but okay, be that way.  
Bella: …wait, what? I thought you hated me or something.  
Edward: I never said that, I just said we shouldn’t be friends.  
Bella: Then why offer to take me to Seattle?  
Edward: Because I’m nice. Anyway, see you in class? *leaves before she can answer*  
Bella: …what the fuck just happened?


	6. Gore Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward decides to skip a class that happens to be about blood types. Is this some kind of foreshadowing or something?

Mike: Hey Bella, great news: the rain’s going to ease up this weekend, so we should be able to go to the beach.  
Bella: Isn’t it going to be freezing this weekend?  
Eric: Yeah, but when is it not freezing here? We need to take advantage of these not raining days when we can.  
Bella: Well, enjoy your hypothermia then.  
Jessica: Hey, is that Edward sitting by himself?  
Bella: Do I care?  
Jessica: And he’s motioning for you to come over.  
Bella: Again, do I care?  
Jessica: I’m going to make you go over there.  
Bella: Listen, Bitch Perfect, I have no intention of going over…  
Edward: Hi Bella.  
Bella: What the…? *sees Jessica walking away from her* That goddamn Troll *sits down with Edward* So, speaking to me twice in one day? What’s the occasion?

Edward: What? Can’t two friends just sit and have a chat?  
Bella: You said we couldn’t be friends.  
Edward: Indeed, I did.  
Bella: I…don’t even know where to go with that.  
Edward: Great, let’s just sit and have lunch then.  
Bella: You don’t have any food though.  
Edward: And all you have is a soda.  
Bella: At least I have something. I never see you or your siblings eat anything, and it’s really weird. Like you’re part of some kind of cult or something.  
Edward: Definitely ‘or something’.  
Bella: Trying to figure you out has got to be the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done.  
Edward: What are you trying to figure out?  
Bella: How the hell you do the things you do, like getting across the parking lot to stop Tyler crushing me *sees Edward about to say something* And before you tell me I imagined it…  
Edward: I was going to ask if you had any ideas about how I did that yet.  
Bella: Oh…okay, how about criminal serving a life sentence for killing a friend who killed your kid and dog? *Edward shakes his head* A preacher who raped and abandoned a young girl? *shakes head* Naïve Southern American youngster? *shakes head* Criminal and older brother of a retard? *shakes head* NYU bookstore clerk? *shakes head* Son of a billionaire that watched his parents get murdered in an alley?  
Edward: Not until March next year.  
Bella: Then what the hell am I supposed to think?  
Edward: Think of me more as the villain.  
Bella: Rapist priest, got it.  
Edward: What? No. Just because I’m the villain doesn’t mean I don’t have standards.  
Bella: Right…you know a villain would have just let me get crushed, right?  
Edward: But I’m a nice guy.  
Bella: You have no idea what a villain is, do you?  
Edward: I can totally be a villain. I’ll prove it, by skipping class.  
Bella: Ooh, such a rebel. Well, I gotta go. See you later, rebel.

*in Biology class*  
Mr. Banner: Alright everyone, today we’re finding out your blood type.  
Bella: I’m O+, you don’t have to do mine.  
Mr. Banner: *pushing a pin into Mike’s finger* Oh, come on, what’s the worst that could happen?  
Mike: These were sterilised first, right?  
Mr. Banner: *pushing the same pin into the next kid’s finger* Pfft, who has time for that?  
Bella: Is that even legal? It feels like if you’re going to take an underage person’s blood, you would need parental permission.  
Mr. Banner: Well, it’s not like any of you are cops *realises who he’s talking to* Oh…uh…you’re not gonna tell him, are you?  
Bella: I…don’t like the sight of blood… *starts to collapse*  
Mr. Banner: Mr. Newton, please take Miss Swan to the nurse’s office.  
Mike: *finger still bleeding* You got it Mr. Banner.  
Bella: *being led out of the room* Oh, come on, really?  
Mr. Banner: Oh what? Your father’s gonna hear about this?  
Bella: Huh? Why would I say that? It sounds like something a whiny rich racist kid would say. At least one of those things doesn’t apply to me.

*in the corridor*  
Bella: Can you please put away your bleeding finger?  
Mike: *half his hand red with blood* It’s not that bad.  
Bella: God damn it… *collapses*  
Edward: Hey, what’s going on?  
Mike: *waving his blood covered hand around* I don’t know, we were just doing blood typing in class and all of a sudden, she fainted.  
Edward: *seeing Mike’s bloody hand, and talking through gritted teeth* I…see. I better get her to the nurse. Immediately. Like, now.  
Mike: Okay, I’ll help you.  
Edward: No, please, don’t worry, I got this *grabs Bella and starts walking away from Mike fairly quickly*  
Bella: Please put me down.  
Edward: You’re supposed to be unconscious.  
Bella: And you’re supposed to be skipping class.  
Edward: I felt bad about it *puts Bella down* So…don’t like the sight of blood?  
Bella: Or the smell.  
Edward: Silly Bella, humans can’t smell blood, only vampires can.  
Bella: Are you implying vampires are real?  
Edward: *eye twitch* No…no, that would be silly. They’re only in good books by Bram Stoker, or awful books by Anne Rice.  
Bella: Be careful with that name, that bitch might sue us.

*at the nurse’s office*  
Edward: Hey, Bella’s not feeling well because of Mr. Banner’s blood typing lesson.  
Receptionist: And what the fuck do you want me to do about that?  
Bella: Can’t you call the school nurse or something?  
Receptionist: I still fail to see how any of this is my problem, but if it’ll make you leave me alone, then fine.  
Edward: You’ll be okay soon.  
Bella: I’m already okay.  
Edward: Then you can go to Gym after this?  
Bella: Oh yeah…maybe I’m not as fine as I thought.  
Mike: *carrying another fainted kid and is now covered in blood* We got another one.  
Bella: Yep, definitely not fine.  
Edward: What the hell is wrong with you?  
Mike: Apparently I have thing called hemo…something, but it’s fine. I’ll stop bleeding soon.  
Bella: Probably not for the reasons you think though.  
Edward: I’m taking Bella home.  
Receptionist: Why do you kids think I care?

*in the car*  
Bella: I could probably drive myself.  
Edward: I said I’ll take you home, and I’m meant it.  
Bella: *sigh* Fine, my address is…  
Edward: I already know.  
Bella: *eyes narrowing* How do you know?  
Edward: Uhh…  
*the previous night, in Bella’s room*  
Edward: If I’m going to be spending a lot of time around her, I might as well get used to her scent in secret.  
*back to the present*  
Edward: It’s a small town where everyone knows everyone?  
Bella: Hmm…fine, but how am I going to get my truck back?  
Edward: I’ll have Alice drop it off.  
Bella: Is she going to mind?  
Edward: Of course not, she’s like your best fri…I mean, she treats everyone like a friend?  
Bella: …right…well, some of the guys from school are dragging me to the beach on Saturday, since it’s pretty much the only day it isn’t supposed to rain for the next while.  
Edward: Which beach?  
Bella: La Push, near the Indian Reservation.  
Edward: Ah…well, I’m not coming.  
Bella: Wasn’t inviting you, just telling you my plans since we’re supposed to be friends or something like that.  
Edward: Oh…well, I have plans too. Good plans, with friends.  
Bella: Good for you.  
Edward: You’ll see, they’ll be the best plans ever.  
Bella: Can I get out now? We’re at my house now.  
Edward: Fine, but you still don’t know what my plans for the weekend are.  
Bella: Nor do I care. Bye *slams the car door*


	7. Creepy Narratives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella goes to the beach at La Push with some friends, and learns about what the Cullens may or may not be.

Bella: *reading a book, then suddenly looks up* Wait, I never gave Edward the keys to my truck so Alice could drive it home *looks outside and sees her truck in the driveway* Okay, how the hell did he do that? The key was in the back pocket of my jeans…wait…oh, THAT GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!

*the next day at school*  
Jessica: So, what did Edward want yesterday?  
Bella: He just wanted to be annoyingly cryptic.  
Jessica: Uh-huh, and the juicy details of that discussion are…  
Bella: Non-existent.  
Jessica: Oh, come on, you gotta give me something to work with.  
Bella: Quiet, Scott Pilgrim’s younger sister. One of the other irrelevant people on this table is talking now.  
Mike: So, about our beach trip tomorrow…  
Bella: You’re still on about that?  
Mike: Yeah, it’s gonna get up to sixty degrees. That’s, like, a heatwave for us.  
Bella: *sarcastic* Ooh, sixty. That’s SO high.  
Mike: I know right?  
Bella: Sarcasm just washes right over you, doesn’t it?  
Mike: I don’t even know what three of those words mean. So, outside my parents store tomorrow at ten?  
Bella: I suppose I have to if I want the plot to advance.

*the next day*  
Mike: Okay everyone, into the car.  
Bella: There are, like, nine people here.  
Mike: It might be a little tight, but we’ll manage.  
Bella: How?  
Eric: Dibs on the trunks.  
Lauren: I’ll hold onto the roof.  
Bella: Everyone seems to forget that I’m the daughter of a cop, and this sounds almost like it could be kinda sort of illegal.  
Mike: And to make sure you don’t tell on us, you can ride shotgun. Up front. Next to me. The whole way.  
Bella: I know it’s only fifteen minutes away, but that sounds horrible. Jessica, do you want to be a buffer between the two of us?  
Jessica: There’s no seat there, just the handbrake and the gearstick.  
Bella: Yeah, but I’ll have someone between me and Mike, so I don’t care.

*at the beach*  
Bella: See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?  
Jessica: I’m actually thinking of sitting on those in my spare time now.  
Mike: Hey, some of the locals are here.  
Bella: Isn’t that supposed to happen after some of us went for a hike?  
Angela: Yeah, but the hike added nothing to the plot, so we’re skipping over it.  
Jacob: Hi, I’m Jacob. That’s Sam, that’s…  
Bella: I don’t care enough to remember your names. Hell, I don’t even remember the names of most of the people here.  
Lauren: It’s true. The author literally just reuses Mike, Jess, and Angela for generic lines, and occasionally throws me in for some variety.  
Jacob: Come on, how do you not know me? Our dads are best friends.  
Bella: Oh, you’re Billy’s kid?  
Jacob: Oh good, you remember me now.  
Bella: Nope.  
Jacob: I’m the one who fixed the truck your dad stole.  
Bella: And thank you for that.  
Jacob: You’re not going to give it back, are you?  
Bella: Nope.

Jessica: So Bella, I’m actually surprised you didn’t try to invite Edward, since you two have been getting along really well lately.  
Sam: Edward? As in Dr. Cullen’s kid?  
Bella: You know him?  
Sam: The Cullens don’t come here.  
Mike: Yeah, I guess the beach isn’t for everyone. And I guess it is a tad cold too, so…  
Sam: No. As in, the Cullens don’t come here. Ever. For any reason.  
Bella: Right…I assume there’s a story behind that?  
Sam: Yes.  
Bella: And you’re not gonna tell us?  
Sam: Nope.  
Bella: Right… *sees Jacob looking at her, seemingly infatuated* Hey Jacob, do you want to go for a nice stroll along the beach?  
Jacob: Oh, ah, sure, sounds good.  
Mike: I’ll come too.  
Bella: No. This is…uh…private, since we’re friends from long ago.  
Jacob: Five minutes ago, you didn’t even know my name.  
Bella: And soon I might know a lot more about you, if you know what I mean *winks at Jacob suggestively*  
Jacob: Okay *gets up and practically drags Bella with him*

*further down the beach*  
Bella: So…what was Sam talking about when he mentioned the whole “Cullens don’t come here” thing?  
Jacob: Oh, just some weird old stories our tribe tells us that we’re not supposed to tell anyone outside the tribe.  
Bella: But you’ll tell me, right?  
Jacob: Do I get anything out of it?  
Bella: Have you ever seen a pair of boobs before?  
Jacob: *considers this for all of half a second* Well, my great-grandfather found out that the Cullens were vampires, and made a deal with them to stay off our land, since vampires are the natural enemy of werewolves, and my people can supposedly become wolves.  
Bella: Okay…so, like, your people believe the Cullen’s ancestors…  
Jacob: Not their ancestors, the actual Cullens currently living in Forks are vampires.  
Bella: Interesting…  
Mike: Hey Bella, we gotta go.  
Bella: Coming.  
Jacob: Hey, I thought you were going to show me your boobs.  
Bella: No, I was asking if you’d ever seen a pair of boobs. I never said I’d show you. You also didn’t answer that question, by the way. Well, seeya.  
Jacob: …GOD DAMN IT!


	8. Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella has a dream about Edward, Mike, and Jacob, then gets invited dress shopping.

Charlie: Hey Bella, you want any dinner?  
Bella: Nah, I have…uh…homework, or something.  
Charlie: Okay, well, more for me then *eats the dinner he prepared for her*  
*Bella goes to her room, and puts on a CD*  
Bella: Oh Chester, how did we not see that all your music was actually a cry for help? Why didn’t we realise so we could stop you?

*while listening to the music, Bella dozes off*  
Bella: Oh great, a dream sequence. This just gonna show some kind of foreshadowing bullshit, isn’t it?  
Dream Jacob: Hey Bella.  
Bella: Why am I dreaming about you?  
Dream Jacob: Maybe you regret not showing me your boobs?  
Bella: No, definitely don’t regret… *hears something in the forest* What was that?  
Dream Mike: Bella, you’ve got to run.  
Bella: Get out of here, irrelevant guy. I’m talking to the kid *turns to see Jacob is gone, and in his place is a giant wolf* What…  
Dream Edward: Hey guys, what’s happeni… *the wolf jumps on him and begins mauling him* OH GOD, THIS IS THE WORST PAIN EVER! AHHH! SOMEBODY GET THIS THING OFF ME! HELP! HEEEELP! AHH!  
Bella: *now eating a bag of popcorn* You know, in a sick kinda of way, this is actually kind of entertaining. I wish I didn’t have to wake up *wakes up right at that moment* God damn it. Now I have to analyse that dream. Let’s see…Jacob turning into a wolf? That’s just ridiculous. Mike trying to be important? Also a stupid idea. As for Edward being a vampire *turns on her computer and waits for it to load, complete with old dial-up sound* I swear, this thing is getting faster every single day *starts writing stuff into the search engine*  
Google: Hey, does your friend have the following features: freakishly white skin, unnatural beauty, icy cold touch, hates going to Indian reservations, and terrifying red eyes? If so, they may just be a vampire.  
Bella: Well, I guess Jacob was wrong. Edward doesn’t have red eyes. All the other stuff, sure, but not the eyes.

*the next day, at school*  
Mike: Hey Bella.  
Bella: If the next words out of your mouth are something about asking me out, I’m telling on you to Jessica.  
Mike: Why Jessica? What’s she got to do with this?  
Bella: Dude, are you serious? She is literally sitting on the gearstick and handbrake in your car right now.  
Jessica: *from the direction of Mike’s car* You can’t prove that.  
Mike: I guess she does seem to be into me. Plus, she has bigger boobs than you anyway. I should ask her out instead.  
Bella: Then why don’t…wait, you’re basing this on boob size?  
Mike: Thanks for the tip Bella *leaves*  
Bella: Wait, I need to slap you for that comment.

*later*  
Jessica: Hey Bella, guess what?  
Bella: You got off in Mike’s car?  
Jessica: Well, that, and he asked me out tonight.  
Bella: Oh gee, I wonder why he did that?  
Jessica: I don’t know. He must like my personality or something. Anyway, do you want to come out dress shopping with me and Angela tomorrow?  
Bella: …why?  
Jessica: We need your opinion so we know what to get for the dance.  
Bella: Find something that fits, and buy it. How is this that hard?  
Jessica: Every female reader now knows without a shadow of a doubt that a man is writing this fanfic. Come on, you’re coming to Port Angeles tomorrow night.  
Bella: Fine, maybe something important will happen that’ll advance the plot.

*that night*  
Bella: So…Jessica invited me out dress shopping tomorrow in Port Angeles.  
Charlie: I thought you weren’t going to the dance.  
Bella: I’m not, they just want my opinion.  
Charlie: Can’t they just buy the first thing that fits?  
Bella: That’s what I said. Jeez women, why can’t you just do that? *hears something* What’s that sound?  
Charlie: An army of women tracking down the author for that comment.  
Bella: Oh…well, see you next time if Kieran survives the onslaught.


	9. Harbour Seraph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica and Angela drag Bella to Port Angeles, only for Bella to ditch them and meet some...interesting characters.

Bella: So, apparently Kieran did survive the onslaught.  
Jessica: And here we are at the Port Angeles dress store.  
Bella: You say that like there’s only one of them.  
Angela: Because there is.  
Bella: Google maps says there’s more than that.  
Jessica: That’s not a thing yet.  
Bella: Pretty sure it is *checks Twilight Wiki* Or it will be soon. Anyway, I’m gonna go look for a bookstore.  
Angela: What? Why?  
Jessica: You don’t think books are more interesting than clothes, do you?  
Bella: That’s exactly why I’m doing it. Bye *leaves*

*later*  
Bella: I can’t believe the only bookstore in this entire city is one of those weirdo hippy ones. What even is this city?  
Cashier: Hey, we sell more than just books.  
Bella: Like what?  
Cashier: You want some green?  
Bella: …yeah, I’m outta here *leaves*  
Cashier: Where’s she going? I was gonna give her some money.

*in a dark alley*  
Bella: Port Angeles isn’t even that big of a city. How the hell did I get lost?  
Guy 1: Hey there, sweetheart.  
Bella: Um…hi?  
Guy 1: You’re looking a little…lost.  
Bella: I…I guess, yeah.  
Guy 1: We can help you out, can’t we boys? *three other guys emerge from various shadows all around Bella*  
Bella: Oh, this isn’t good.  
Guy 1: What do you mean? We’re here to help you.  
Bella: Don’t give me that, you’re acting all creepy and hiding in shadows and shit. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re planning.  
Guy 1: What do you mean? We’re just gonna give you directions so you can get back to your friends and get home.  
Bella: Oh…okay, I just thought…well, you know…  
Guy 1: No, what?  
Bella: You know, with the whole coming out of hiding in a dark alley and everything, I just assumed that you were gonna…you know, gangrape me or something.  
Guy 1: WHAT?! Oh GOD, no. NO! What the fuck is wrong with you?  
Bella: You’re the ones hanging out in a dark alley waiting for girls to appear. What the hell else am I supposed to think?  
Guy 2: And you automatically assume we’re rapists?  
Guy 3: Honestly, why would you do that?  
Guy 4: We’re just a bunch of nice, normal guys who help out people in need.  
Edward: *pulling up in his car* Hey Bella, need a lift?  
Guy 1: Be careful dude, she might accuse you of rape.  
Bella: You’re the ones who started it by hiding in a god damn alley *gets into Edward’s car*  
Guy 2: She’s got a point boss, why do we hide in alleys waiting for lost girls?  
Guy 1: Shut up Joe.

*in Edward’s car*  
Bella: So, uh, how did you know where to find me?  
Edward: Umm…lucky guess?  
Bella: You just happened to find a girl you knew, in the middle of a city you didn’t know she’d be in, down a random alley no normal person would be down?  
Edward: …yes.  
Bella: Uh huh. And how long have you been able to read minds?  
Edward: For a while…oops…  
Bella: Wait, you actually can do that? I was kidding.  
Edward: You were? Damn it.  
Bella: But if you can read minds, you should be able to read mine, right?  
Edward: Oh, uh…yeah, so I can’t read minds, see?  
Bella: Of course, that’s unless there’s something different about me which for some reason causes you to not be able to read my mind…  
Edward: I know, what’s with that?  
Bella: So I’m right?  
Edward: Yes…no…maybe…I don’t know…can you repeat the question?  
Bella: You’re not the boss of me.

*at the restaurant*  
Bella: Why are we even here? We already covered everything from the restaurant scene on the drive here.  
Edward: Because I want to make this happen.  
Bella: Make what happen?  
Jessica: Oh my God Bella, there you are. We thought something had happened to… *sees who she’s with* Holy shit…  
Angela: You’re with Edward Cullen?  
Bella: It’s not what it…  
Edward: It’s exactly what it looks like.  
Bella: GOD DAMN IT!  
Jessica: You are going to tell us everything on Monday. We’ll leave you two lovebirds to your date. Come on Ange *gets into her car and drive off*  
Bella: Why did you let them think that?  
Edward: Amusement, more than anything. And revenge for making me admit to my mindreading ability.  
Bella: I have a theory about that, by the way.  
Edward: Really? What is it?  
Bella: It’s in the next chapter.  
Edward: Aww, man. Now I have to for Kieran to write a chapter of that other abridged series before I find out.


	10. Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward wants to know what Bella knows.

*in Edward’s car*  
Edward: Okay, it’s a new chapter now. You have to tell me your theory.  
Bella: Only if you answer how you found me properly.  
Edward: But that wasn’t part of the deal.  
Bella: Neither was making my friends think we’re dating.  
Edward: Do you even know their names?  
Bella: …uh…they’re typical white girl names…umm…I’m gonna go with…hmm…maybe…Ashley and Jennifer?  
Edward: Jessica and Angela.  
Bella: See, I got the first letters right. That’s close enough, right?  
Edward: Please tell me your theory?  
Bella: Answer my question first. I wanna know since you can’t read my mind.  
Edward: *sigh* Fine, I smelled you.  
Bella: …huh…I’m sure I took a shower before I left.  
Edward: I might also have a very good sense of smell. Now, theory. Please?  
Bella: Also, why can’t you read my mind?  
Edward: Oh, COME ON!  
Bella: But you said I’m the only person whose thoughts you can’t hear. I want to know how that even works.  
Edward: I honestly don’t know. I can hear every other human’s thoughts, but yours I can’t hear. It’s like there’s no thoughts in your head whatsoever.  
Bella: Gee, thanks.  
Edward: That’s not what I…whatever. Tell me what you know.

Bella: Huh? Oh, right. I tricked a horny fifteen-year-old into telling me that your family is vampires or something. But that’s ridiculous, right? *Edward says absolutely nothing for a few seconds* Wait, that’s fucking REAL?!  
Edward: Well, since you figured it out on your own, I suppose I’m not breaking any rules by telling you so.  
Bella: Who the hell enforces rules on vampires?  
Edward: The vampire government.  
Bella: There’s a vampire government?  
Edward: You’ll meet them next book.  
Bella: Right…so, how old are you?  
Edward: Seventeen.  
Bella: And how long have you been seventeen?  
Edward: What year is it? 2005? Yeah, nearly ten years now.  
Bella: Wow, that’s…nowhere near as long as I was expecting.  
Edward: Vampires exist, and you’re surprised there are some that are fairly young? What, did you think I’d be a hundred or something?  
Bella: Yeah, and I’m pretty sure the readers were expecting that too, but I’m sure that’ll be explained soon enough.  
Edward: It’s seven chapters away. So…what do you think about me now?

Bella: Meh.  
Edward: You just found out I’m a bloodsucking monster, and your response is just “meh”? Really? That’s it?  
Bella: I figure if you were going to kill me, you would have done it by now.  
Edward: Oh…But I could. I really could.  
Bella: Sure buddy, I believe you.  
Edward: I could though.  
Bella: Yeah, yeah. So, how can you go out in the sun if you’re a vampire?  
Edward: You haven’t seen me in the sun.  
Bella: What? I’ve seen you at school all the time.  
Edward: And what’s the weather been like on those days?  
Bella: Huh…okay, I guess not. So, what’s the deal there?  
Edward: I’ll show you one day, four chapters from now.  
Bella: Damn it. So, what about blood drinking? I haven’t heard of any dead people in a last couple of weeks, so…  
Edward: Animal blood, which makes us vegetarian.  
Bella: I think PETA will disagree with you on that.  
Edward: Any other questions?  
Bella: Not really.  
Edward: Good, because I’ve been circling your house for about half an hour now *pulls up in front of Bella’s house* Good night. Speak to you tomorrow.  
Bella: Probably, but I’m guessing Jessica’s gonna have some questions about this.  
Edward: She will, and good luck with that *drives off before Bella can respond*


End file.
